


To Have and Have Not

by took_skye



Series: Living For the Night [5]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe - Noir, F/M, POV Female Character, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-13
Updated: 2010-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-22 19:11:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/241545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/took_skye/pseuds/took_skye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Singer Elle celebrates Christmas with her little boy and an unexpected visit from PI Hotchner</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have and Have Not

  
_"Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year — and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority." ~ W.J. Cameron_

***///***

I go to remove my earrings the moment I start to head back to what passes as my dressing room. The things look great on stage but they weigh a ton, tug at my ears, and just look real enough that some idiot slimeball might decide to try and mug me for them. Thankfully, in my journey backstage, I’m able to avoid the club manager and the sleazy bouncer who always tries to grab my ass whenever our paths cross. You’d think with my putting a knife to his balls the last time he’d tried something he’d learn…but he didn’t. I step into my room and smile the moment I see my little Jack.

“Mommy!”

“Hey, little man,” I soften my voice for him as I go to lift him off the little couch and into my arms. “Did you have fun with Megan?”

Megan Kane, a beautiful girl living way below her means. I never really got how a girl who came from her class and breeding would choose to work in some shithole of a club, but, hey, I ain’t one to judge. The woman’s a great babysitter for Jack when no one else is available…which is most of the time. Megan’s fiercely protective and not afraid of, or interested in, any of the men who might normally try to distract her from watching my kid. “We had a blast. Jack told me all about what he’s asking Santa for and then we made some eggnog.”

“You didn’t let him drink any, did you?” The last thing I want is for my son to start hittin’ that bottle before he’s reached his double digits.

Megan laughs, “God no, the eggnog is for a special friend of mine I’m visiting later.”

“Oh yeah? Who is he?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Megan teases with a wink and laugh. “But, speaking of special friends, you going to get that gorgeous PI under your tree tonight?”

I cover one of my boy’s ears playfully, “I don’t gotta clue what you’re talking about, Megan.” I laugh some, then confess. “No PI comes to see me while I have my son and Christmas is Jack’s special day. It’s a family day, ya know?”

Megan shrugs as she finally gets up off the couch herself. “If you say so, Elle. See ya tomorrow night?”

“Of course.” I can’t afford to take a day off if I want me and my boy fed and clothed through the winter.

“And the boy?”

“Not sure yet.” I’d rather keep him home where I know he’s safe and warm...well safe, at least, if I can.

***

By the time I’m stepping into our run down apartment little Jack’s sleeping in my arms. I put him carefully to bed so I don’t wake him before grabbing the comforter off my bed to put over him. He’s usually got plenty of blankets but the freezing night is slipping in under the cracks around the windows and door so bad I can already tell the pipes’ll be frozen in the morning if they aren’t already.

Despite all my efforts, my little man still wakes up less than an hour later. He tells me he’s too excited about Santa coming to sleep. I grab the now warm milk he left out for Santa to drink, fighting the urge to slip a little something in it, before warning him that, if he doesn’t get to sleep, Santa will know and he won’t stop by. Jack frowns, but like always, isn’t about to give up that easily. “Sing me a song, Mommy, please,” he begs with his sweet little smile. I ask him which, suggest a Christmas carol, and he shakes his head before making his request. “Once Upon a December.”

I smile and nod, “Okay, Jack, just for you. But then you must sleep for me and Santa.”

“I will, Mommy, I promise.”

I sing and he sleeps.

I decide to crash out on the couch where I can curl up with my remaining blankets and a cup of coffee with Bailey’s in it. I keep the TV off and the lights on our family’s pathetic excuse for a tree on as I listen to the sounds of the street below. Christmas season seems the one time when even the thugs and lowlifes decide that a little bit of peace on earth is worth having. No gunshots, no sirens, no yelling and screaming...just the occasional faint hum of a car passing by. But nothing lasts forever and my private silent night is broken by a faint knock on the door. Fuck.

I set my drink down and get up to check through the peephole. It’s none other than that PI I swore to Megan wouldn’t show up…the one who always tells me that he won’t have any part in my son’s life. Double fuck. I open the door anyway, but only a little. “What?” I keep my voice low so Jack stays sleeping.

Hotch seems surprised I’ve even opened the door, but his ability to collect himself never fails him. “I wanted to…” then again, “…Elle, I…”

“New pussy cat got your tongue?” I smirk a little, but when he looks down I wonder if I’m not right. That he’s got a new girl he’s been off screwing instead of me. The thought squirms under my skin in a way I know it shouldn’t. “What, Aaron?”

The man finally fully pulls himself together and puts on the mask of stern reproach he always has for me. “I was wondering if your son has enough gifts for Christmas.”

Of all the questions he could ask it’s that one? I don’t even know what to think of it. My instincts kick in. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Hotchner? I don’t need your fuckin’ charity, I provide for my son just fine.” I go to close the door only to find Aaron’s already stuck his foot in the way. “Move.”

“I have something for him.” The bastard doesn’t move and doesn’t growl like he usually would about now.

“You have something for him?” I smirk more than a little indignant that a man who never before showed any interest in Jack meets him once and decides to start buying him shit.

“He likes Dick Tracy, right?”

“I guess.” Actually Jack loved the character. He loved the comics. And, whenever he got the chance, he played at being the detective.

Aaron nods more to himself than me before thrusting a fair-sized pre-wrapped box through the space I’ve made in opening the door. “This is for him. You can say it’s from Santa, if you’d rather, but I went out and got it for him on my lunch break. I just…I thought he might like it.”

I try not to show that, in fact, I’m touched. I don’t expect anything to come from this gesture, Hotch isn’t a man prone to change, but that fact it’s been made alone is impressive. And that it was made for my son means a great deal. “Fine,” I say softer than I mean to as I take the gift from the man’s hands. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Merry Christmas, Elle.”

“Yeah…you too, Aaron.”

He turns and leaves down the hall, I shut the door behind me and head back to the couch.

***

At four years old my son can rip through his short stack of presents in no time. I know that it’s not nearly the amount my son deserves, not nearly good enough for how amazing a kid he is, and I also know that Jack couldn’t care less. That he’ll prize every toy I’ve given him just like I’ll prize all the pictures he’s made me for gifts this year…and that one set of nice earrings I know Megan probably gave him to give to me as well.

Then he sees it, stuffed way in the back…the fair-sized box that contains something that’s a mystery even to me. My boy crawls halfway under the tree to retrieve it. “This for me, Mommy?” he asks as he sits up but seems unsure if he should open a package wrapped so differently from the others.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

He looks at it, seems to examine it, before looking up at me once again. “Who’s it from?”

“Who do you think it’s from?”

“Santa?” he’s unsure, but when I nod to indicate his guess is correct he lights up and tears into the wrapping. When he looks inside he cheers in delight before starting to yank the contents out to show. “Look, Mommy, look! Just like what Dick Tracy has! Look!” He runs over to me to show the little toy detective kit complete with plastic handcuffs (and keys), whistle, working walkie-talkie watches, flashlight, fake badge, and fingerprinting kit with magnifying glass. Also in there, but not part of the kit, was a little hat.

I can’t help but laugh a little as Jack stuffs the hat on his head happily despite it being just a touch too big for him so that the brim covers the top part of his eyes. “You like it?”

“I love it!” my boy chirps as he begins to examine the pieces of the kit carefully. “Santa’s the bestest!”

“He has his moments,” I confess with an almost reluctant smile. But Aaron Hotchner really does. Always seemed to be fighting it, like if he let himself care as much as he did deep down then things might fall spectacularly apart, but in moments like this his humanity shines through despite his best efforts. He cares about the boy, my boy, his boy…our boy, Jack.

***///***

 _"...You'll always be mine. Always. And never." ~ Dwight, Sin City_


End file.
